The Birth of Athena

No, we aren't naming our first born Athena, but here is a little history:

 Athena was named as the favorite daughter of Zeus, born fully armed from his forehead. The most common story of her birth occured when Zeus lay with Metis, the goddess of crafty thought and wisdom. Eventually Zeus experienced an enormous headach and one of his sons cleaved Zeus's head with the double-headed axe. Athena leaped from Zeus's head, fully grown and armed. She went on to become the goddess of wisdom, courage, inspiration, civilization, law and justice, just warfare, mathematics, strength, strategy, the arts, crafts, and skill

Although Zeus himself wasn't pregnant, or maybe he was, headaches are not uncommon during pregnancy and mine seems to be riddled with them. Usually I have two or three nights a week when I have to turn in early because it feels like a steam engine is pushing against my right eyebrow with avengence.

According to  WomensHealthCareTopics.com, Migraine headaches during pregnancy are an often unwanted but sometimes common side effect of pregnancy. If you experienced migraines prior to pregnancy, you will find your condition either drastically improves or possibly gets worse during pregnancy. Fantastic.
A migraine headache is typically characterized by a dull aching that eventually worsens until the patient feels a strong, pulsating pain usually on one side of the head or temples. Migraines are often accompanied by vomiting, nausea and in some cases an aura. 
As with other pregnancy drama, raging pregnancy hormones are to blame but that are also paired with changes in nerve pathways, an imbalance of brain chemicals (including serotonin, which helps regulate pain in your nervous system), and altered blood flow to the brain.

In elementary school I had migraines pretty regularly and knew they were caused by smells. I remember one time I had been swimming in an indoor pool at a resort and while my mom dug threw her bag our hotel room key, I ran down the hall to puke in a trash can by the vending machines. They also came after horseback riding lessons, sometimes after my tap classes at Cindy Smith Dance Studio, or after spending too many times in one of those potpourri scented country shops.

The worst I, to date, that I can remember was after our road trip to Georgia. DJ and I had spent about 10 hours in the car and towards the end of our drive, I felt one brewing. Back at the house, I thought my head was going to explode and could not put enough pressure on my head to make it go away. Ugh, it was the pits. I can't remember, but I think I ended up throwing up and feeling 110% better immediately.

Migraines are such a funny thing.

Whomp! There it is!

Thursday I wasn't showing and then I woke up Friday and there it was!
In the morning, Petrie is a little pooch in my abdomen and rounds up to just above my belly button but then depending on how much I eat or how much water I drink throughout the day, he/she can double in size and bloat to amazing proportions.

At 15 weeks, Petrie is practicing breathing, sucking, and swallowing so when he/she breaks out into the world, he/she will have the basic survival tools. Also, according to WhattoExpect.com, the "fetus is holding daily aerobics classes — kicking, curling toes, and moving those little arms and legs".
 
Bathing suits have long been put away as well as anything fitted. Most of my work clothes have also been shoved to be back of my closet with the exception of a few pairs of pants and flowy shirts. After work today I am going to check out Target to see if they have some in-between sizes. The maternity pants Amy passed down to me will be great once I get a little bigger, but now I need something to hold me over until then. My cousin suggested Belly Bands. She said they are a must have and are advertised to do the following:

tummy sleeves are a staple of your maternity wardrobe!

a versatile basic works before, during, and after pregnancy

smooths lines from unbuttoned jeans or pants

wear folded down or in a single layer for more coverage

offers extra tummy coverage when lifting top for nursing

size 0 will fit sizes small through large

Also since "coming out" the other day, I reread parts of my blog and a few points of note:
1. the typos are out of control and I do apologize for them
2. I realize I was a little obsessive about the exercise debacle and I'm sure some of you were thinking "ok, we get it - get over yourself" since I did the same thing when I was rereading it. Sorry about that. I am going to make an effort to be less whiny.
3. I am still not on Facebook but DJ did make the most cryptic announcement the other day in celebration of Mother's Day. It might have been too cryptic.

I used to run 13 of these? In a row?

According to my "What to Expect" ap (very official), Petrie is the size of a naval orange but only 2 to 3 ounces in weight. Funny - because he/she feels much heavier than that.

Now that I have successfully sailed into my second trimester and Petrie has passed the growth rate and the down syndrome test, I have been given the go ahead to go back to my "normal" routine at the gym. "Normal" being the operative word in that it's really nothing but.

On January 28th, I remember it well, I felt it would be my last kick ass gym day before undergoing full fledged follicle growth then retrieval then transfer and then the two week wait. For that reason, I ran 8 miles at a nice clip on the treadmill and then killed time on the bike to catch the end of a morning talk show. I didn't think twice about it because that's how I roll.

At thirteen weeks I decided to revisit my old friend and go for a run - well a jog - ok, it was more like a trot. Ever mindful of the runners around me, I decided if I couldn't run above 5.5 I would just walk or switch to the bike. I have my pride.

After twelve minutes, I was undecided as to whether I really had to pee or if I had eaten a brick sometime during the day. It was a mix of those two feelings in my lower abdominal region that forced me to call it a day BUT I managed to go over a mile and it was a victory.
The other day I made it about 4 miles with water breaks every ten minutes or so. I felt this was a good deal, but I remained astonished that once upon a time I was training for half marathons, mud runs, and warriors dashes.

Not I have no expectations of being Paula Radcliffe who won the New York Marathon less than 10 months after giving birth to her first child or at five months pregnant with her second child was running 14 miles a day in her efforts to stay in shape for London in 2012. Nor will I be Amber Miller who despite being almost 39 weeks pregnant when she hit the starting line of the Chicago Marathon, Miller ran through labor contractions and the unusually warm 77-degree day to finish the race.
She delivered a healthy daughter about 7 1/2 hours later.

But jogging during pregnancy does have clear benefits for both baby and me so I hope to give it my all or my 80%. According to Livestrong.com, jogging and other forms of exercise during your pregnancy can increase your energy level and give your mood a boost. Continuing to jog during your pregnancy also keeps your muscles strong and toned and even helps you sleep better. Continuing your jogging routine also reduces your risk for developing increased blood pressure and diabetes associated with pregnancy. Staying active throughout your pregnancy prepares your body for labor and delivery and also increases your chances of regaining your pre-pregnancy body more quickly.

Finally excited!

Ok so admittedly my last post was selfish, depressing, and just a downer overall BUT at 13 weeks-ish, I can finally say I am getting excited and it was sparked by a little help from a friend.

Slowly but surely I am eeking myself out of the prenatal closet. I recently had my 12 week check up and Petrie is starting to look more like a baby and less like a speck. I could see his/her little legs and arms flailing in the lasted ultrasound and I am hoping he/she is atheltic or smart since we will need one or both in order to enroll him/her in college.

I will officially be out and about after we get the results from the "down syndrome test" (I don't remember the official name) but the nurse seemed to think we are on safe ground in that area. I did add someone else to the list of people in the know tonight and that was my friend, Hannah and her husband Brett - and what a breath of fresh air it was.

Hannah was the first person I told who understood my frustrations with weight gain, working out (or lack there of), the different person you see in the mirror, and everything else that made me sad in my last post. She gave me advice and tips that I was happy to hear and that made me feel less vain and more...reasonable. Its funny because before my visit, DJ had said "I bet Hannah will get you" and he was absolutely right. I am in that stage between showing and not-showing and she agreed its a tricky spot to be in. Your clothes still fit, but you can feel self conscious. You see a change where others do not - or maybe they are just being polite. You are working out less and eating more. And as much as you know there is a miracle developing inside you, unlike a second helping of pasta - it can be difficult to swallow (bad joke). All in all, I left feeling refreshed and much more sane. Thank goodness.

We talked about how a five mile run used to be nothing and a great way to destress, but now gym days can be frustrating and those long runs we took for granted are now sad little trots on the treadmill. This morning I made it about three miles and a decent little pace and saw it as a victory. It made me laugh since once upon a time only running three miles was a bad day at the gym.

Anyway, my last post ended with me feeling lonely but now - that is definitely not the case.

Thank you Hannah!

Petrie reclining :)

Ugly Truth

You learn a lot during pregnancy. You learn responsibility, self-sacrafice, money management, more about the reproductive system, and more about yourself. Sometimes you learn good things - like how creative you can be in the kitchen when white meat makes you want to run for cover - and sometimes you learn ugly things. Things about yourself you may not have realized until eating lunch with a friend and actually listening to yourself talk.

Vain is defined as having or showing undue or excessive pride in one's appearance or achievements: conceited. While I don't think I am a conceited person, I have discovered I am certainly vain, shallow, and any other unattractive adjective we can use to describe someone who is focusing on all the wrong points of pregnancy.

Depending on who you ask I am or am not showing. In my mind, I am huge. When I look in the mirror, I see a waist-less person so is barely fitting into her pants. If you ask my friend, Gina, I look the same as I did before all of this, and if you ask my husband - I look great. I wish I could agree because what I see is taking away from the joy and excitement that is supposed to come with the miracle of life. They don't tell you this stuff at the doctor's office, BabyFit.com, or whattoExpect.come. Obviously they focus on the positives, making constipation seem like a blessing more than a pain in the ass (pun intended). No one tells you that after meals, you will feel a little too full and that it will take, seemingly, forever to digest. No one describes your growing baby as a brick-feeling just above your bladder or that your limbs may feel heavy and achey for no apparent reason.

Because I am a horrible person, this is what I recognize and find myself focusing on more than anything else. Maybe because I am not technically "out" and still find myself talking in "ifs" rather that "whens". Maybe it is because I am not showing more than a pooch one might have after too many days of too many donuts (or the tummy you get after freshman year of college when you can drink beer and not have to worry about parents getting mad). For these reasons, I am not as excited as I should be and, to be honest, I like being excited. I miss it.

For this reason I find the addage "everyone is different" to be incredibly true in pregnancy. Trust me, I have googled symptoms, what to expect, and what to look for but they are still only average expectionations because everyone is different . I have enough mom's in my life to tell me what is normal and what is not, how I will look, and how I should feel, but they an say what they want because everyone is different. And because everyone is different - because I am different - it makes pregnancy very lonely.

First Trimester is not hot

Today I am unofficially 9 weeks and 4 days along. I know this blog was started as a tribute to infertility and the IVF process, but since I am bored at work I thought I would add this post despite, more or less, being on track as a normal pregnant person.

To date, I am having a very hard time embracing everything that comes with one's first trimester of pregnancy. In the long and short of it: I hate it.
I know there is a mircale brewing inside me. I know I worked very hard - physically, financially, emotionally, etc to get here. I know I should be grateful (and I am), but the bloating, the gas, the fatigue, the nausea, the lethargy is not my thing at all.

I wake up in the morning somewhere between starving, nauseas, and bloated. I have tried eating bigger breakfasts to satisfy me longer into the day, but its still trial and error with how my body is going to react to it. Sometimes its a win and I can go on with my day, others its a loss and I stare blankly into my closet wishing I could wear sweat pants to work. I don't know if I am necessarily showing, but my mind section is definitely doing something unflattering and atrocious. I feel like there is a brick in my stomach most of the day and when I don't feel the brick, I feel inexplicable, insatiasble hunger.

Over the weekend I was given tips from my recently pregnant and currently pregnant family members about how the 2nd trimester is heavenly in comparison to the first. I find that this kind of advice is great, but it always goes back to the "everybody's different" arguement. I'm sure some women (a certain Duggard comes to mind) bask in this sort of stuff. The beauty of weight gain, the ability to eat a little more freely, and the joy that comes with knowing you are with child. I'm not going to lie - me - not so much. The sweating, the peeing, the constant fat-feeling just isn't really doing it for me.

If the 2nd trimester is suppsosed to bring positive changes, then bring it on!

A Celebration for my Butt!

After nearly 9 weeks (72 days) of some sort of injection or another, I am finally done with shots!! Yay!!!

The Lupron from way back when was actually the most "enjoyable" of the group as it was the smallest needle, the least amount of medication, and the most accessible area for shots. The Progesterone shots in the rear proved to be the most ruthless as they were in my muscles, caused bruising, and were something I couldn't do on my own. I guess DJ and I will have to find a new after dinner ritual that doesn't include him poking my butt cheeks and asking "what about here? does this hurt?" and then stabbing me.
As mentioned in an earlier post, there was the option of taking the Progesterone vaginally but, of course, since it is more comfortable it is also more expensive. Unlike the injections, insurance chose not to cover this medication and it would have been over $300 a series. With 4 weeks down, whats another 28 days?

In hindsight (get it! hehehe) I guess it could have been worse.  I'm fortunate to have an excellent husband with a strong stomach and a steady hand!

I would also like to send two special Thank Yous:
1.  to No-Eyes, Woof Woof, and Sleeping Baby - three of my childhood stuffed animals that allowed me to more or less strangle them each night as I prepared for the shots :)
and
2. to the wonderful staff at IRMS Clark/Livingston who welcomed me every visit, who let me look away during blood draws, who gave me pictures of developing Petrie, who answered all my questions, and who got me this far along in my pregnancy!