Home!!!!!!

I am not a proponent of self medicating - I do not take Nyquil, I do not take more than prescribed, I really don't like pain killers, muscle relaxers, etc. in general - BUT - when you have hives, nothing hits the spot like some dear sweet Benedryll and wine.....

My parents set up their wing-backed chair for me in the living room and tucked me in like some old woman that lives in a Victorian home by herself and spends her days holed up in her parlor. Propped up with pillows and my necessities in reach, I took one of my pain killers and then my Benedryll an hour or so later. This is probably an ill advised practice but I slept pretty well, I didn't itch, and I wasn't in too much pain. 

The rest of the first week continued similar to this. My in-laws came up that weekend to help at home, I was still "sleeping" sitting up, and I went back and forth from being thankful to miserable each day. I quickly went down to one pain pill a day (before bed) and saw an increase in appetite. My kids were more indifferent to my drainage bag than I thought, which was great, and Austin seemed to really enjoy "taking care of me" and respected and understood what I could and couldn't do around the house. My amazing friends brought over food and gifts and my village really came together in a big way. I was/am blessed!

I also had an odd craving for hot dogs. So wrong but so so right!

One week later, I went in for my follow up and things improved 1038532%.

My dad came with me to this appointment.  First I had an initial X-ray to make sure everything that was left was doing well. I guess I passed because I was sent across the hall to the thoracic surgeon's offices where Rachel, the nurse, changed my life.

She took that damn chest tube out.

Now against my better judgment from past years of IVF experience, I know better than to google anything but prior to this meeting, I googled the removal of this chest tube. First lesson - again, don't ever google procedures. Second lesson, make sure you are entering the correct search terms. Because I failed at #2, I had this painful, awful experience in my mind when it reality - it was glorious.

"Lay down on your side for me," said Rachel. "You are going to feel a little pressure but take a deep breath and hold it,"

And with one motion, only seen by my dad who said "whoa!", Rachel pulled the chest tube out of my side and whipped it on to the table beside the bed.

"Sit tight while I suture you and clean up the area".

She bustled around for a little and then said "Once you sit up, you will feel like a million bucks".

Although I had my doubts, she was so correct, it was uncanny.

In my mind the tube that was actually in my body was only a few inches long. In real life, it was 12-14 inches!! No wonder everything hurt! My insides were all "WTF is this foreign thing doing in here cramping our style!"

My dad described it as a slimy pink snake. I'm kind of disappointed it was cleared away before I saw it. In any event, now I could breath better, the pain in my shoulders and back was gone, and I felt like a new person. I could also sleep laying down! Win!

________________________________________________

Today marks 2 months since my surgery. I ran 8 miles this morning in 1 hour and 11 minutes. 

Life is good! 

Follow your Gut (Part 2)

Once the anesthesia wore off, the itching returned. The nurses seemed, rightfully, concerned that mixing benedryll and pain medicine wouldn't be the best cocktail but after begging them and promising I wouldn't become an addict, they relented. I also would later have to sell my soul to another nurse to get the damn IV out of my hand with the promise of lots of water drinking and reporting each time a peed.

After my first night in the hospital, and with the worry I may be there for up to 9 more, I remained optimistic and decided to incorporate some routine into my day. This started with an annoying trip to the bathroom. Between my IV, chest tube, associated machines, and general awkwardness - this took a little longer than I would like to admit but peeing on my own was a gold star in the eyes of the nurses and meant I didn't need a bed pan (or worse - a catheter). I also got a glance at myself in the mirror - I looked like death and roadkill.

Aside from looking a little skeletal from my involuntary hunger strike, I was sallow in some places and red and swollen from the hives in other. There were pinkish bags under my eyes that looked wrinkled and the area around my ears and down my neck were blotchy from scratching. Brushing my teeth felt like heaven! If it were ever a possibility to have an orgasm from tooth brushing, this would have been that moment. My teeth were in ecstasy and I never wanted to stop. It was joyous and probably one of the best parts of that first day.

After I cleaned up, I went for my morning walk with DJ. Dr. Widmann asked me to walk the halls a few times a day and spend time rotating from my bed to my chair. The walks were a nice break to the day and a good measure of progress. At first, I was holding on to DJ for dear life and feeling short of breath to, rather quickly, feeling more independent. The soreness was still very present - mostly in my shoulder blades, under arms, and chest. Interestingly, or maybe not, there was a lot of different levels of decency in the hospital. I left for my walks with gym shorts under my gown and tightly tied to avoid mooning people whereas other people didn't seem to give a damn what they flashed. This led to a lot of averted eyes and looking at the floor. As if it were some kind of treat, DJ and I would stop and the free snack and drink station on the floor too. It wasn't much - juices, sandwiches on white bread, and jell-o, but hey! free stuff!

When walking was over, I would either eat, or watch DJ eat, breakfast and then wait for Dr. Widmann, nurses, and other medical staff. I was told to do arm exercises and be able to extend my left arm fully by the time I left. Using this as a measure for discharge (and activity), I was very diligent with my practice. I was also given a incentives barometer to practice breathing into. I was less diligent with this because I was so bad at it.

When my parents came that afternoon, I was admittedly down in the dumps and exhausted. Using my appendectomy and two labor/deliveries as comparison, I just didn't see how I was going to recover from this one. The pain was so intense, the muscles that was trying to heal was simultaneously being used, and I was draining mystery liquid down a hose and into some measuring device. I was still itchy and swollen. I was miserable.

By later that afternoon, I had sent everyone home. DJ needed to be with the boys and I needed to be alone so I could wallow in peace and watch more Alaskan Bush People. That night, I actually ate all my dinner - "baked ziti" and peed with a little less fuss. Sleeping was still horrendous because I was more or less forced to sleep sitting straight up but I was making progress.

The next morning, I was draining properly enough and there was talk of sending me home. Already! I panicked. I still couldn't get my arm over my head, I was still draining into my drain thing, and was still in a lot of pain. Oh and the hives. I told DJ as much when he came to see me but he didn't think it would happen since they told me "up to 10 days" and it had only been 2 nights.

I guess Dr. Widmann saw enough improvement by the time he saw me and told me I could go home that afternoon. I was shocked and terrified. I would have to have this gross tube in for another week so DJ and my mom learned how to change the bag (ew) and dressing (more ew) so we could keep it clean at home. Since I was still a scary, skinny, itchy nightmare, we decided I would spend the night, Friday, at my parents house to see how well I managed before introducing two young boys to their mom and her drainage tube. Long, uneventful day, short - I changed into an oversized shirt, since I still hadn't passed the "full range of motion" arm test, and was home in time for dinner at my parents spending only two nights in the hospital.

Follow your gut (Part 1)

This post,  and the two following, really has nothing to do with motherhood or parenting or my kids but I wanted to chronicle it for my own memories and to encourage people to trust their gut - even if the people disagreeing with you are physicians, nurses, and other medical professionals.

This Father's Day, 2017, my parents came over for dinner and it was a normal day - I felt great, I played with my kids, volunteered at a local 5K, and all of those normal Sunday Funday things. Shortly after my parents left, I was playing with my son and out-of-nowhere I felt a sharp pain on the left side of my chest. My first thought was a pulled muscle but I wasn't really convinced.

I decided to call it an early night and went to lay down and tough it out, but something told me this was more than a muscle pull.

(a brief history: In high school, 2000, I, also out-of-nowhere, suffered from a collapsed lung caused by pneumonia. They did a broncoscopy and all was well. In 2004, I went to the hospital with similar chest pain and they found an infection in my lung. Because we caught it early enough, they were able to treat it with antibiotics).

After about an hour or so, I decided I was failing at "toughing it out" and we gathered up the boys, dropped them off at my parents and went to Robert Wood Johnson Medical Center in Rahway, NJ.

At the ER, I was seen right away because "chest pain" is the magic phrase that gets you in the door. I was x-ray-ed, EKG-ed, and interviewed but because I did not meet the textbook version of a pneumonia patient, despite retelling my history, I was brushed off. It seemed as though not remembering medications you took in 2000 when you were 16 years old makes you an unreliable patient and therefore not worthy of an ER physician's time. Well, to hell with you!

I was asked to stay overnight for "observation". Apparently Dr. Bernstein and I define that differently since I was really just left in a room to wait about 20 hours to see a pulmonologist, I didn't feel very observed. Oh, it was also at this time a nurse absently told me my EKG was abnormal and my white blood count was high. Super, thanks for sharing.

Near 5:00pm the following day, I was seen by Dr. Sinha. He spent, maybe, 3 minutes with me, moved my arm up and down, side to side, told me I pulled my pectoral muscle and wrote a prescription for pain medical. From there, I was free to go. He was an asshat.
__________________________________________________
There are two things wrong with this situation - well probably more than that but here are two. Thing 1) I had been sitting in this room for almost 20 hours at this point with no interaction, other than those tedious "vital checks" every four hour. If something was wrong, which we would learn that there was, it could have been growing, festering, and worsening (which it did) during this time and no one cared to ask. Thing 2) Dr. Sinha wrote me a prescription for a VERY potent pain pill and muscle relaxer without really asking me anything about my medical history, tolerance to pain, addictive habits, etc. This is part of the reason why we have an opioid crisis in America.
___________________________________________________

It may seem I am rushing through this hospital stay and omitting details but there really isn't much to say since no one seemed to care about me. I believe I had oatmeal for breakfast Monday morning if that helps paint a picture.

Fast forward to Tuesday night/Wednesday - I was up all night - sweating, freezing, restless legs, probably gas - it was a mess. Wednesday morning, I went to my parents to sleep. We were getting work done on our house that day and I didn't want to be bothered. Driving down the parkway, I really had to focus to get it together. In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have driven.

As soon as my mom saw me, she knew this wasn't a pulled muscle and she took me to Summit Medical Group's Urgent Care facility. Again, "chest pain" got me right in the door and within two hours I was diagnosed with a "whopping case" of pneumonia and a pretty hefty infection. The team here was amazing - exactly the opposite of the team at Robert Wood Johnson.

They also took the time (and by "the time" I mean the two minutes required) to explain my EKG, high white blood cell count, fever, and other things that good doctors should do. They also put a sense of urgency on things - calling ahead to Morristown Medical Center and letting them know I was on my way. It was at this time, I began to feel two things 1) a sense of panic because there was something wrong with my lung and 2) a mental case of the I-told-you-so's and satisfaction that this was, in fact, something. My husband picked me up at SMG and whisked me over to Morristown. It is at this time, I would like to thank everyone in my family for being so awesome. If it weren't for them, I would have probably just remained sweating in a chair somewhere.


Wednesday to Friday, I was at Morristown Medical Center. This visit was uneventful but informative. I learned that this raucous was due to a birth defect. My lung never fully developed and there was a little pocket that was just asking for infection all along. My team of doctors, yes - I went from a pulled muscle to having a team - decided we would try and attack it with antibiotics, shrink the infection, and then surgically remove the mass (and ultimately the defunct part of the lung). This was a lot to take in but at least we had a plan but I was angry too. Angry that RWJ could be so wrong and careless in their diagnosis.


By Friday, I was getting my antibiotics through a pic line so the medications could more effectively do their job. The initial plan was to wear the pic line for 6 weeks with weekly visits from a home nurse to clean the bandage and take blood. Because of the nature of the line, this also meant I couldn't get that part of my arm wet - no good showers, no pools, no sweating, no gym, no real fun - until August 4th, but at least I was home and not in any pain. Things were certainly inconvenient but manageable.

Pre-pic line conversation:
"Does it hurt?"
"It will be a little uncomfortable but no, not hurt"
"Do you do a lot of pic lines?
"Yes. I wake up every morning thinking 'yes! pic lines!"
"Good answer! Thank you!"

On Monday, July 10th I had a visit with my thoracic surgeon. I went by myself since I was under the impression it would be a follow up and nothing interesting would happen.

Dr. Widmann checked my x-rays and scans and determined, in so many words, there was no time like the present since the infection wasn't shrinking as rapidly as they thought and, selfishly, I wanted to be fun on my vacation in August.

He took the time to explain the procedure, using models and my x-rays as visuals. For some reason, I assumed only the infection would come out so things got very foggy when he mentioned "removing part of the lung" and "separating the ribs" if the mass is to big. I remember just nodding along and then perking up when he asked, very causally, if next Tuesday, July 18th would work. He had an opening at 12:30 pm.

"What is recovery like?"
"Well when you first wake up, you may feel like you've been shot - but after a few weeks, you will be back to normal. I've had patients go on to run marathons, swim, everything as they did before the surgery and they were older than you"
"Oh. Well I have never been shot so that should be interesting but the rest sounds good"

Here is a little lobectomy 101:

A lobectomy is a surgery to remove one of the lobes of the lungs and may be done when a problem is found in just part of a lung. The affected lobe is removed, and the remaining healthy lung tissue can work as normal. The lungs have sections called lobes, 3 on the right and 2 on the left. (I would have one of these removed).  In my case, I was to have a  video-assisted thoracoscopic surgery (VATS) procedure. With this type of surgery, 3 or 4 small incisions are used instead of 1 large incision. Small tools are put into the chest cavity. One of the tools is called a thoracoscope. It’s a tube with a light and a tiny camera that sends images to a computer screen. This shows the internal organs on the screen. The small tools are used through the other incisions to do the surgery.

I walked out of that meeting in a daze. So many things were said: lung removal, breaking ribs, laprascopic, 2-10 days in hospital, general anesthesia - whattttt? And of course I didn't think to bring a family member because I thought it was just a follow up!

When I called my mom and husband with this information, I'd like to think I sounded cool and composed with the "we gotta do what we gotta do" mentality, but I am not sure that is what came across. 

Meanwhile I was starting to get an allergic reaction to the antibiotics in the form of hives. Awesome. Monday, July 17th was my last at work before medical leave and I woke up itchy. My arms mostly but my stomach and back were well on their way to becoming a hot mess. As the day wore on, my neck, ears, and thighs started to itch. By the time I was ready for bed, I wanted to claw my skin off.

Tuesday morning I woke up in basically a leotard made of hives. From neck to knees, I was covered - blotchy, swollen, red, and itchy like you would not believe. It was so much so that I called the doctor's office to make sure they would still be able to do the surgery.
"Are they in your mouth or throat?"
"Oh god, no"
"Ok, then we will see you this afternoon".

We tried to have a normal morning with the boys before we took them to my parents and my husband and me off to the hospital. One pro of the hives - they took my mind off of the surgery.

Everywhere we went, the medical staff was shocked by my hives but there was little to be done since I was going under. Aside from being petrified, I reminded myself that at least I wouldn't be itching during the surgery. The worst part of the pre-surgery was actually the IV. Since I had been so poked and prodded the last month, the veins nurses usually go for were bruised and angry so they had to put the needle in the top of my hand. This was the most painful thing in my life up until this point - well maybe now - but it hurt like an MF-er and I was holding on to this poor medical student for dear life. Once it was in, I hid my hand under the blanket so I wouldn't have to look at it. Very mature of me.

DJ came in a little before surgery to sit with me in my waiting stall and meet with the doctors. My anesthesiologist came in and, for the first time, I felt old. This man looked so young. I was tempted to confirm I wasn't his first patient or that he wasn't a student. He, and the rest of the surgical team, were all as cool as cucumbers. I tried that but when they wheeled me away and separated from DJ, I fell apart. I think I was whimpering when they put the little mask on me before the drugs kicked in too.

Fast forward to 6:00pm. I remember waking up several times - beckoning to the nurses with my mind since I didn't have the energy to speak. Did I feel like I had been shot? I guess so. It hurt and it was very sore but there was no burning which I thought would be part of a gun shot wound. Speaking, however, was challenging. I could barely make it above a sultry whisper. If things didn't work out in Higher Ed, I could have gotten a gig as a 900-number call girl.

Once I was awake enough, DJ came in to see me, and later the transport team came and helped me move to my new, private (!) room. When we pulled in front of the doorway, the transport guy said "Okay, now you have to walk to that chair. Dr. Widmann likes his patients sitting up post surgery".

The walk might have been fifteen feet but looked like a mile - like in cartoons when the room stretches and seems to extend forever. The walk was easier than I thought and I soon learned sitting up was more comfortable anyway because of the chest tube and the need to sleep at a 60* angel.

After a late dinner, DJ and I settled in to our new accommodations and watched a few episodes of Alaskan Bush People. I wasn't super tired (since I had slept most of the day) so the hourly interruptions from medical staff weren't too bothersome. Yet.

We have a walker!!

Yay! Not that I ever want to rush baby milestones (because they come and go so quickly!!) but this was a good one! Shortly after his first birthday our little B went from waddling and falling to walking! This is a game changer in so many ways but mostly because now he can be a more active playmate for Austin, trips to the park are more engaging, and his poor little knees will take less of a beating on the hardwood floors.

Still adjusting to shoes, he is a master when barefoot on the carpet. You can see his little toes tightening and curling to grip and balance. In his shoes, he walks like a cat with socks on but I look forward to winter when we can put on his boots and explore the snow.

Since walking encourages a new level of baby proofing, Austin - my champion big-brother - has been on patrol and ensuring "tiny toys" are out of reach. This morning I heard him take a toy away, explaining "too small for you Brendan" and my heart filled.

These little moments of family and brotherly love and respect and encouragement seem extra important now in our divided nation. Donald Trump is our current President Elect and whether or not he was your vote, he is our president. There is panic and worry and anxiety  but I am confident we will pull through as a nation. I admit I am not political at all but I do have children and responsibilities. I have friends in the LGBT community and want to protect and preserve our planet. I want the economy to thrive, the hungry to be fed, education to flourish, and our country to be safe. Of course there is room for worry but we also have to trust that our government - not only Trump but the hundreds of people that work with him, support him, persuade him - will do their part and the rest of the country will do ours.

That is about as political as I can get and will probably ever be in this blog but I would be remiss if I did not mention the outcome of the 2016 election. I choose to put my energy into my community and my family. Our health, our goals, and our milestones. And today i focus on milestones and our little walker! 

33!

Today I am 33 years old! And I think that is totally and completely crazy. Crazier still is that I have been married for 5 1/2 years and have two children! WHHAAAATTT!

When I type out sentences like that I feel old, but when I look in the mirror I don't see a 33 year old person - or what I once thought a 33 year old person looked like. For example, when I was 18 or even 22, I thought 33 was old. That I couldn't wear sweat pants anymore, that I would have to cut my hair into a short bob haircut, and start shopping at Lord & Taylor. I don't know where these stereotypes or images came from but that was my vision of 33 year old moms.

I also thought these women had it all together. Not in the "have it all" sense of the word, but at 33 women had plans, they were organized, and their days ran like well oiled machines. I imagined a 33 year old woman's closet was filled with suits and matching shoes, everything ironed, and a fridge filled with well balanced snacks. If that is what 33 is - then I missed the boat!

My boys and I are all born in the same week. I am the final birthday of the palooza so some of the pomp and circumstance has worn off and everyone is tired of cake; however this morning a took a moment and saw how wonderful things were around me.

I admittedly have a "keeping up with the Jones' problem".
If "they" (whoever they are) are moving, maybe we should too.
Oh, they are making this much money - should I get a new job??
Ah! They are switching day cares - what if we don't? Will our kids be behind?

Fortunately I have a sane husband to talk me off the ledge.

SO instead of keeping up, today I am thankful! Thankful I went to that house party in 2005 and met my future husband. Thankful for my 2 million dollar babies that challenge and amaze me every day! Thankful for my fabulous parents to help and love in every single capacity of the word. Thankful for my extended family - in laws, cousins, etc. - for all that they do and that they are (even if it comes with a little drama) and thankful we all have our health, a roof over our heads, and food on the table. I am also thankful I didn't have to cut my hair in a bob ;)

I am thankful that I don't have it all together because how boring would that be!

30 Things I Think About Running with a Jogging Stroller!

I see a lot of posts out there about what runners think about while they are running and I love all of them because they are true. For that reason, on my most reason run with my son, I wanted to create my own list - 30 Things I Think About Running with a Jogging Stroller!




Before run
1. Awesome! B is rubbing his eyes so if I can get him in the stroller now, we can go for a run!

2. (picking baby up) Why are you suddenly awake and smiling? Be tired again!

3. (putting baby in stroller) Don't fight me, B! Just tuck your arm in. Ok good Let's go!

During Run
4. Yea! Look at me! Running with my kid!

5. This is basically the best idea ever!

6. Should I have changed B's diaper before? Eh - he is sitting. It should be ok!

7. I hope I see someone I know so they can see how I am killin' it as a mom right now!

8. I should have peed before I left..

9. Jogging stroller = best purchase ever!

10. C'mon! Move over! Who walks 7 across?

11. B? Are you sleeping? Go to sleep.

12. Ok so after this - I will throw in laundry, start dinner, shower, and then sit for a minute.

13. Only one mile?? Ugh!

14. (peeking around stroller) Sweet! He sleeps!

15. Crap! Where did that giant bump come from?!?!?

16. Keep sleeping B!

17. Ugh! You're up!

18. "The ants go marching..." *gasping for air*

19. "Mommy is just going to hum to you"

20. HmmmmMMmmm...

21. Ok - 2 miles - let's head back.

22. WHY IS MY TOWN SO MOUNTAINOUS!

23. Every.Step.Forward.Is,One. Step. Closer.To.Home.

24. Aww B! Isn't this great! The breeze going downhill

25. Whoa whoa...almost lost you there on the decline.

26. Almost home - stay sleeping...stay sleeping.....

Post Run!
27. Yes! Made it! Now if I can get you from here into your crib.....

28. Gentil. Easy.Almost...

29. "whaaaaaaahhhh"

30. Damn it!

B! Why are you 10 months already!

Brendan!

You are going to be 10 months in 8 days and I have been the worst at documenting your milestones. I would like to say it is due to the fact that I have been busy absorbing your every move, touch, tear, and tirade and although part of that is true - it is not an excuse.

You started clapping this week and it is amazing! At first you were a little hesitant but now when Daddy, Austin, or I clap you enthusiastically follow along and it is amazing.

You have been crawling for about two months now and your first words were Da-da and ba-ba. Occasionally we get a Ma-ma but I am not sure if you know it is me you are referring too.

Unfortunately you are still not sleeping through the night but we have worked our way down to only one or two "wake ups" which helps Dad and me get through our work day with a little less coffee. Despite this, you wake up smiling every morning with your bangs in your face. We keep talking about getting you a haircut but you are a little squirmy and I don't want you to get poked in the eye.

Austin adores you. Sometimes I think it is a little too much. Lately he has taken to poking you in the cheeks and forehead. He tries to go for your eyes too but he hasn't made contact yet. Phew. For the most part you play well together but I  notice that when he is asleep or away, you play a little more freely in the house and have a certain independence. I think you like your space but also appreciate your alone time. I get that. I am like that too.

You are willing to try new foods which is GREAT since your brother is a picky eater. This morning you had avocados with me for breakfast but you have also tried tons of fruits, vegetables, and treats. You even tried a little ham in Avalon this weekend and ate it so I consider that a win. Where your brother's strength is/was sleeping, you might be our little eater.

You have been to the beach, fossil hunting, hiking, and to the pool. You love water play at school but hate getting dressed. You hate clothes in general but your brother did too. You take in the world and you are kind. You like watching Austin do things - as if you are learning along with him and seeing yourself in his shoes. You don't take a binky which is a bit of a relief, but sometimes I wonder if that is why you have trouble sleeping. Who knows. I sure don't!

There is so much more to say about you. Oh! You have had these two adorable bottom teeth forever but that is all we have so far. Some other teeth have been working their way in and down for weeks and week but they are taking their time - either way, you snack like a champ on puffs and crunchies and now cereal and bread. You go!

Even though my documenting has been weak, I love you tons and I am so glad you are here. I can't wait to recap more of your moves and share this with you when you are older. XOXO

On The Day You Were Born

Hi Brendan!

So yes - you are nearing your two month birthday BUT better late than never! Here are some things that were happening on the day you were born!

Top Songs on Billboard Top 40:
1. R. City (with Adan Levine) - Locked Away
2. The Weeknd - The Hills
3. Justin Bieber - What do you mean?
4. Taylor Swift - Wildest Dreams 
5. Selena Gomez - Good for You
6. Shawn Mendes - Stitches
7. Ed Sheeran - Photograph
8. The Weeknd - Can't Feel my Face
9. Major Lzaer - Lean On
10. Demi Lovato - Cool for the Summer 

Who was in Office: President Barack Obama/ Vice President: Joe Biden

Movies in Theaters in October 2015:
Bridge of Spies, Goosebumps, The Walk, Martian

News Headlines from Around The World:

1. South Carolina cop tosses desk-bound student to floor 
2. Deadly Heat Is Forecast in Persian Gulf by 2100

3. Titanic's last surviving cracker sells for $23,000

Chinese Year of the Sheep:

The Chinese commonly regard sheep as an auspicious animal, and the Year of the Sheep, therefore, heralds a year of promise and prosperity.Individuals born in this zodiac year have been supposed to share certain characteristics with other individuals also born in years of the same animal sign.  In Chinese astrology Goats are described as peace-loving and "kind" and "popular". With the addition of the wood element, the Goat characteristic is thought to love peace and to be helpful and trusting, but yet also to be "clinging" and of a nature resistant to change.

What else happened this day in history?312 - Constantine the Great is said to have received his famous Vision of the Cross.

1775 - US Navy forms as the Continental Navy
1954 - Walt Disney's 1st TV show, "Disneyland", premieres on ABC
1969 - Ralph Nader sets up a consumer organization knowns as Nader's Raiders
2015 - American soccer star Abby Wambach announces her retirement

Other Birthdays:
1858 – Theodore Roosevelt, American colonel and politician, 26th President of the United States, Nobel Prize laureate (d. 1919)
1932 – Sylvia Plath, American poet and author (d. 1963)

And Baby Makes 4!

If you have a flair for the dramatic, I was in labor for 14 hours.

"Pain", "a funny feeling", "something" started happening about 4:30am on Tuesday, October 27th but I'm not sure if it qualifies as labor. I had gotten my membrane swiped the day before so my doctor suggested "something" might happen in the next 48 hours but then again in might not. Such is the way of labor and delivery.

Needless to say, Tuesday we waited.
We played Lego Batman and waited.
We went for a walk around the block and waited.
We ate Tostitos and triple checked our suitcase and waited.
We bought Austin a new Halloween costume since he decided he wanted to be a dinosaur and not a fireman - and then we waited.
We waited and then waited some more.

Austin was at my parents most of the day and around 2:00 I had enough of my mom guilt and told them to bring him home. Wednesday the 28th was his birthday and I didn't want him to feel ditched. He arrived around 4:00, we ate dinner around 6:00, and then by 7:00 I was calling my parents to come back since "real things were happening".

The funny thing about contractions, I think, is they are inconsistent until they are consistent. I swiftly went from 20-30 minute intervals of "I think this is one" to 4-8 minute intervals of "here we go!".

The drive to St.Peter's this time around was slightly less intense than three years ago. Of course our GPS decided to take us a wonky way into New Brunswick where we hit some Rutgers student/evening commuter traffic but I did not have the same "I am going to give birth in a truck" feeling.

Because it was a full moon, Labor and Delivery was packed by time we arrived but because the situation was less dire than with Austin, we were able to calmly park the car as a couple, go through Admissions together, and have the luxury of waiting in the "waiting area" (aka hallway) until a room was available.  We also had the (mis)fortune of catching the latest episode of Celebrity Wife Swap. I have never been more embarrassed to have been born in Staten Island, thank you Big Ang.

Dr. B showed up around 8:30 and waited with us. It was during this time I realized that contractions in public are awkward. I don't know it imtimate is the right word but I found that every time one came, which was at an even 4 minutes by now, I tried to hold it in. Like a fart or something? I didn't want to be that loud laboring woman in the hall way. Is that weird? Maybe it is but that is how I felt. Dr. B must have noticed because he said "Maybe if you look a little more pained, they will get you a room faster" and that made sense, so after awhile I just went with it.

By 9:30ish we were given a room and I was 6cm.
Do you want an epidural?

Ummm. No? What do you think?.... I think I can do it without one... (said quasi-assertively but not really)

So we broke my water, I shot up to 8cm, things got REALLY real, and I immediately regretted my no epidural decision.

And then I pushed. Hard.
Harder.
Hardest.
I said a bad word and then apologized for it. I tried taking 4 second rests and pushing on 5. I did a very sexy behind-the-thigh-heavy-ho kind of push and eventually.....

We welcomed Brendan Richard Lathroum into the world at 10:10pm on October 27, 2015 and the Mets lost to the Royals in 14 innings - the longest game in World Series history tied with 2005's  Game 3 Chicago White Sox 7 - Houston Astros 5.

Home Stretch - Literally

I have no foundation for this reasoning but I believe the Higher Powers of Baby Making allow for a nice first pregnancy in order to convince mothers that having a second baby isn't too bad of an idea.

Not that I had an awful pregnancy this time around. Google "pregnancy nightmares" and I am sure you will find women in much more precarious positions than me, but since Austin was SUCH smooth sailing and I was making it to the gym until the day before delivery, I admit I am/was a little surprised with Baby 2.

The first trimester was rough with nausea and exhaustion daily - in addition to the added responsibility of parenting Child #1 - which was obviously not in the picture back in 2011. I think the worst part of my nausea was it never resulted in vomiting. It was just living with "hang over stomach" throughout the day - which gets old after about 2 minutes.

Second semester - as for most women was bliss as was much of the third semester until Week 34 or so.

As of today, Week 38 and change, Baby 2's head is "very low" in my cervix and 3 cm dilated. Now until about 12 hours ago, 3 cms didn't mean anything to me but THEN I found this very helpful image.

As you can see, this measurement translates to a banana slice and "very low" means head is in such a position that nerve pain consistently shoots down my legs from my groin area resulting in 1) a gangster limp, 2) a squat walk, or 3) the walk two steps-then squat/stretch move. All of which are awesome if you are in public. I am also fortunate enough to pee every 2 hours.

What I find least comforting about this image is the bagel. That is as big as we are getting so if we are LUCKY a baby is coming out of a bagel. Awesome. Let's do this 10 more times!

I also would like to use this time to apologize to Baby 2 for poorly documenting his incubation period. With Austin, I was much more in tune with his sizes, what parts were developing when, and what fruit he was comparable to in size. Baby 2 - I am sorry but I promise to record your actually Delivery Day with the same detail and dedication as I did for your big brother.


 

Code Blue

Three years, minus 1 day to the date I received the call from IRMS telling me that I was pregnant with Austin (then known as Petry), I received the same call telling me I was pregnant again! Yay!

Although we have the same cautious optimism as we had the first time, it was a relief to hear the IUI process was a success and we overcame Hurdle One. As we enter phase 2, keeping baby, I have to say – I feel really good about things! Similar to my earliest weeks with Austin, I am still bloated from the fertility medication and, in my opinion, feel like I am showing already but that is mostly in my head.

A little history of how this came to be –

January 5^th – Went in for my initial check up and turned out my uterus was ready to make moves.

January – February 6^th – Varying doses of Menopur to ripen my follicles for pregnancy. This was SUCH a slow going process. Dr. K was concerned all my little ladies would jump on the ripening train quickly and I would overstimulate. This would mean everyone would be ready for insemination at once and I could be an Octo-mom. That would be bad for business. Airing on the side of caution, we moved slowly (maybe a little too slowly but that is just the opinion of the one receiving the injections)

February 7^th– Final checks and measurements of my little ladies. Finally (!) three got the memo to grow and Dr. K had enough confidence to move forward with the trigger shot that had anxiously been waiting in my fridge for about a month now.

February 7^th, 9:00pm – Take trigger shot

February 8^th – Between 9pm the previous night and the end of the day, I should have ovulated. I woke up a little crampy so thought that may have been a sign things were moving in there.  We were instructed to “try” that night. (cue the candles!)

If this doesn't scream romance, I don't know what does! 

February 9^th – The Lathroum clan rises early and heads to IRMS. This, again, broke my rule of bringing babies to fertility offices but I was hard pressed to find coverage at 5:30am and I was slightly comforted to see we weren't the only rule breakers.

DJ was called first to make his donation (~29 million) and then I followed soon after. I had to sign off that we were a match, ensuring I wouldn’t end up having the wrong baby daddy. 

February 9^th to present: Wait. First there is the two week wait where one has to lay low and that is followed by the first trimester wait to ensure everything is growing happily and healthily. 

Brother from the Same Mother!

So I guess all that "first kid, second kid" stuff is true. With Austin, I was all about blogging and documenting every procedure, feeling, ache, and pain. With Baby 2 - I am totally failing but let's break it down!

We starting the IUI process in January and because I am a high risk of multiples (age, eggs, general plumbing), we started slow. I was on low doses of the IUI medication and went in every other day to check the growth of my eggs - or lack there of. For weeks (!) there was no change. I never got the true definition of "8 less than 10" but we were stagnant at that measurement forever. Even when we thought one little gal/guy grew, we learned it was a mismeasurement or false alarm.

Finally after a month or so of shots, we had some movement and it looked as though 3 decided to be good-to-go at the same time. Not that we were trying to avoid 3 big follicles at once, but that was the reason for the low dosage from the start. Long story short, I took my trigger shot on February 7th and my baby (babies?) were conceived on the 9th. This gave them more or less the same due date as Austin. Interesting.

Longer story short, we now have one little man incubating in my belly with an arrival date on November 1st. All involved parties are thrilled.

My second pregnancy hasn't been bad in the scheme of bad pregnancies but it certainly has not been as easy as my first. Morning sickness was a son of a bitch for the first 14 weeks. I never puked but remained in a sick belly/sweaty month/am-I-hungry-or-nauseous? state of limbo. I was super lethargic and headaches - holy moly Batman! (As the kids today say, "I can't even!").

Then - miraculously, graciously, by-the-grace-of-God - the morning of week 14, I awoke feeling mostly back to normal and ever so thankful. Since then, I am a much more functioning member of society and all is well from a personal and gynecological perspective.

IVF to IUI

Today I went running and found myself reciting Railroad Toad by Susan Schade in my head. Railroad Toad my son's latest book obsession and we probably read it 3 or 4 times a day. Inspired by the book (I guess), I found myself dictating a poem along my route and then, because I am the coolest person I know - I recorded my brainstorm into my cell phone so I would remember by thoughts.

(To Ms. Schade, I apologize if this rhyme scheme or topic is an insult to your book)

I set my alarm for 6:15

Tomorrow, I'm off to see if my uterus is clean!

They'll check to see if there's a thick lining

Or, if all is clear and my uterus is shining! 

Depending in the results, we will see

If its IUI or a period for me. 

IUI uses meds to trigger my flow, 

so into my uterus my eggs will go!

For Round One, I will be inseminated, 

the shell of my egg - penetrated. 

If all goes well, I will be knocked up

and to our family we will add a new pup.

Lets cross our fingers for this new game play 

and we end the year with a new baby :)

Counting my Blessings

This post should have been written on November 20th but I wasn't emotionally prepared at that time.

I am not pregnant. 

On the afternoon of November 20th, I got a call from Dr. K. informing me that my pregnancy test from that morning was negative. In my heart of hearts, I think I knew before this call that I wasn't pregnant but of course you are going to be optimistic. At the low, low price of $4500, why wouldn't you be. 

Since all my other frozen embryos did not survive the "defrost" (I am sure there is a more technical name for it) - we are now back at square one. 

Kind of. 

If this call came back in February 2012 - we would be back at square one. 

If I had not had a successful pregnancy - we would be back at square one. 

If I had not given birth to a fabulous baby boy in October 2012 - we would be back at square one

And if that baby boy had not been readily available for millions of hugs and kisses after I hung up the phone - we would be back at square one. 

Austin didn't know it but he saved the day. He was a symbol of success, blessings, and all that is wonderful about motherhood. He was there for kisses, for hugs, and promise that is process does work even if it didn't this time. 

Are there any next steps? Of course there are but they will be taken slowly and with great thought. Like I did on the "worst day", I allowed myself an afternoon to wallow but with a toddler, it was much more productive. Since the 20th, I have had time to reflect and research and on December 18th I will meet again with Dr. K. to see what options are out there without having to do IVF again. 

As I mentioned several weeks ago, if the powers that be only want one child for me - then I thank those powers a million times over for making it Austin. 

Tomorrow I'm off to get pregnant

Tomorrow at around 1:30pm - I should be pregnant.

Weird sentence, right?

Such is the option of someone going for their embryo transfer. DJ and I don't have to rely on my menstrual cycle, a rhythm method, or the phases of the moon to know when we can/will conceive - we simply have to start our lupron then progesterone shots (which were not missed at all) and then get a call with the date and time.

At this moment, I imagine Baby 2 is somewhere being defrosted. He/She has spent a little over 2 years frozen with his/her other little embryo buddies and like the little alien characters from Toy Story, a "clay" came down - plucked him/her out of their little embryo ice cube tray - and set him/her on the counter to defrost like a chicken breast from the freezer.

Although the pressure is still there to keep this baby in my uterus, the preamble is much less stressful. Shots in the butt are still not - nor will they ever be - glamorous but at least I know what to expect and as long as DJ keeps a steady hand - there are worse things in the world. Also after meeting with Dr. K in July, I wasn't surprised when we were told IVF would be our best bet so I was also able to skip the shock, the wallowing, and the self-pity stage. I think that was a win for everyone.

Also IVF worked for me once and we were blessed with the most amazing little boy (said every parent ever) and he is happy, healthy, and utterly fantastic. Should the powers-that-be decide we are "one and done" then so be it! I mean - just look at that face!

$4555.00...

is what I just spent to start a second round of IVF for baby #2.

Yay......

After Austin I had hoped my body would "reset" and I would begin having a normal period, ovulating like I am supposed to, and have the ability to make a baby the old fashion way. Not so much the case.

At the close of a short lived venture with breast feeding, I waited to get a period but by June 2013 - the date of my annual gynecology appointment - I wasn't even spotting. Dr. B and I talked about my options and since Baby 2 wasn't in the near future, I went back on the pill  - better to be safe than sorry and went on my merry way!

Without sounding too pessimistic, I came to the realization that Baby 2 would also have to be a product of science so this July I went back to IRMS and the wonderful women there to see what my options were. Because I have 5 "beautiful" frozen embryos and a "beautiful" uterus, Dr. K saw no reason why a second embryo wouldn't take - especially since I was not menstruating on my own. Then I was asked the question that most moms-to-be don't always have the luxury of answering:
When would you like to be pregnant?

I know that making a baby - naturally or scientifically - is setting us up for a life long commitment but the ability to choose a date is kind of inexplicable for me - as in one morning I am going to wake up and say "I am off to get pregnant today. Be right back". I guess the same happened for Austin but I was in such a whirlwind of shock, hormones, stress, and panic - I didn't really reflect on the question back in 2012.

Well - I have a wedding the first weekend on September that I do not want to be pregnant for. And a road trip in October....
Oh and I also don't want my baby born in September 2015 - just in case I deliver on the 11th. I don't want that. Is that weird?

As calender-word vomit flew out of my mouth, the nurse nodding along in agreement and followed along on her own calender as a spewed my requests.

So what it we get pregnant in November for an August baby? she suggested. We would start the lupron October 16th and go from there. 

I blacked out after lupron. Shots! Again! Ugh!

Ok. That works I replied. Taking in to account that I would be a fat mess during the hottest month of the year.

Austin's sibs getting defrosted

Great! And she proceeded to walk me through the steps, the medications, and all the other bells and whistles.

For some reason, the figure in my head for Baby 2 was in the ballpark of $800. I don't know where that number came from but its not even a little bit close. Long, mathematical story short - defrosting embryos is not cheap. Neither are saline sonograms, ultrasounds, more medications, and whatever other blood tests, monitoring, and jazz goes into a second round of IVF.  Oh and it is still not covered by insurance unless you work for Google or Facebook. Which I do not.

I also do not work for XXX which is awesome because I hated it there. Even when I tried not to hate it, I hated it. I am now with a much better organization, in a much better place, and life is good!

So all of this said, Wednesday morning I rolled out of bed and headed up to Clark to visit all my friends at IRMS for my morning monitoring and blood work. Wrote a check for $4555.00 and that night, I gave myself 10 units of Lupron in the belly like it ain't no thang.

And here we go again..............:)

35 Reasons Why Being A Parent Is Awesome

Fort! 

1. There is someone that loves you unconditionally no matter what you do.
2. There is one person in the world that smiles when you wake him in the morning because he is happy to see YOU!
3. You have a reason to play with cool toys from singing dogs to blocks to fire trucks
4. You can build awesome forts on rainy days and it is perfectly normal
5. Its okay to eat Cheerios by the handful on the kitchen floor with your little man at breakfast
6. Pancake Sunday and other small traditions take on new importance
7. Holidays are so much more exciting!
8. You can go to places like Liberty Science Center, the zoo, and the circus and see them through a new set of eyes
9. You have an excuse for having yogurt in your hair.
10. You now have the ability to make up songs about everything
11. You can add poet, chef, architect, maid, and a host of other skills to your resume.
12. You always have someone to hug
13. There is always someone waiting for you to get home from work.
14. You move more.
15. You find yourself eating healthier and taking better care of yourself
16. You can order from the kids menu

Happy Mother's Day

17. You have an excuse to get out of events that start too late, start too early, or have a designated start time in general
18. Mother's Day and Father's Day take on new meaning.
19. You love and respect your parents more - and say thank you more often.
20. You have more dance parties.
21. You discover your inner Martha Stewart
22. There is always someone there to laugh at you, laugh with you, and make you laugh
23. You appreciate the small stuff
24. Bodily fluids gross you out (a little) less
25. You get to buy little clothes for little people
26. You learn life lessons again - like loving yourself and not worrying so much about how you look.
27. You are more patient - or you try your best to be more patient
28. You are a master at the Magic Bullet
29. You appreciate alone time with your partner more and learn date nights don't necessarily have to be at fancy restaurants
30. You make new parent friends
31. You get homemade gifts!
32. You learn the true meaning of selflessness
33. Red wine tastes better
34. You learn the best stain removers, carpet cleaners, and other tools of the cleaning trade.
35. You say "I love you" more.

Muffins!

I have a new appreciation for muffins. Muffins get a bad rep because your mind and your salivary glands often go to the butter sugar-laden pieces of heaven from Dunkin Donuts, bake shops, and diners. I recently had the most delicious blueberry crumble muffin at the bakery in my town and yes, I'm sure I consumed my daily sugar intake for the day by 10am but it was worth every single calorie.

In my effort to eat less processed foods, I have been trying to make my own midmorning snacks and muffins have been my secret weapon. Obviously I can't indulge everyday with a muffin the size of my 18 month old son but with a few swaps, you can find a happy medium.

Apple Cinnamon Muffins

I found the original recipe for these muffins on Pinterest, obviously (http://www.pinterest.com/pin/247557310737623036/) but changed few things in their preparation. First, I'm not sure if the author knows a "t" is for teaspoon and a "T" is for tablespoon. I caught the error when I read the amount for baking soda. I don't bake at all but I knew that was a bit much. Also, the original recipe called for a cup of Stevia - again, I thought that was too much so I trimmed that down.

Anyway, here is the skinny:
1 cup of whole wheat flour (I used Bob's Red Mill)
3/4 cup of Truvia Baking Blend
1 tsp of vanilla
1 tsp of baking soda
1 tsp of cinnamon (or more if you love it like I do!)
1/2 of unsweetened applesauce
2 egg whites OR one whole egg

Preheat oven to 350
Mix liquid ingredients and then add the dry
And add to muffin tins

Now this recipe CAN make 8 muffins BUT I made 10 mini muffins so I could bring two with me to work for my 10am snack.

What I also love about muffins, especially these, are that 1) you more than likely have all of the ingredients in your house so you don't have go to out, 2) they freeze well, 3) you can create new versions by simply adding more stuff like nuts, berries, and chocolate chips without really having to think.

Nutrition Facts
Servings 10.0
Amount Per Serving
Calories 81
% Daily Value *
Total Fat 1 g	2 %
Saturated Fat 0 g	2 %
Monounsaturated Fat 0 g
Polyunsaturated Fat 0 g
Trans Fat 0 g
Cholesterol 22 g	7 %
Sodium 132 mg	6 %
Potassium 2 mg	0 %
Total Carbohydrate 13 g	4 %
Dietary Fiber 1 g	5 %
Sugars 1 g
Protein 3 g	5 %
Vitamin A	0 %
Vitamin C	0 %
Calcium	0 %
Iron	22 %
* The Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet, so your values may change depending on your calorie needs. The values here may not be 100% accurate because the recipes have not been professionally evaluated nor have they been evaluated by the U.S. FDA.