Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Headlines

All the time you hear of babies doing crazy things the second their mother or father goes out of ear shot or eye sight. I think about this all the time when Austin is crying and I have to run to the bathroom real quick, take out the trash, or check on dinner. With the exception of one near escape from his swing, it has never been a dire emergency - not even close - but more of a "no one is giving me attention at this exact moment and I must have it now" cry. When this occurs and I find myself taking an extra minute or doing something seemingly selfish or self indulgent or just not Austin-centric, I think of what a headline might read if an accident were to occur such as:

Foot stuck in Crib Bars; Results in Massive Bunions for 5 month old; Mom plucking eyebrows.

Mom Taking Out Trash during Strained Pea Debacle

NJ Boy falls 3 inches from Play Mat while Mom checks on Pasta Fagioli

Baby Coughs Up Hairball; Shedding Mom to Blame

I'm sure moms all over the world have these concerns, especially when you are flirting with the idea of basic pleasures like taking one more minute in the shower or snoozing for five more minutes in bed before welcoming the day with poopie diapers and pureed bananas. I would assume it is commonplace to question your parenting abilities, your strategies, and your techniques. I know I am constantly puzzled as to why everyone can get my son to nap for an hour and a half or more except me. As of late, twenty minutes has been deemed a small victory.

Regardless of how you feel, know you are better than the following moms and their "headlines":

A 51 year old Palm Bay, Florida Mom and her 23 year old son pull a heist at a CVS demanding 100 mgs of morphine

In Kansas City, Missouri, a 17 year old Mom leaves her two year old in the car while she hawks drugs. She returns to find son and other children playing with the plate of cocaine.

A 28 year old Wisconsin Mom was arrested for shooting her 8 year old with a BB gun because her boyfriend bet she wouldn't

And across the pond, a Mom, 54, french kisses her son, 30, as a means to pass drugs through prison security.