Saturday, June 2, 2012

They grow up so fast

As a parent, I will support my child in whatever he or she decides to pursue whether it be sports, the arts, academics, or some other arena of life that I am familiar or unfamiliar with. This said, there is a short list of professions and hobbies, I would rather not see my child participate in, although I will still support them should these be the avenues they take.

1. Cheerleader - no offense to those out there, even at the caliber of "Bring It On", but I just don't get it. I will be a parent, I will be your cheerleader - get on the field and play a sport! Unless said sport is:

2 A Boxer - As a future parent, I think it would be incredibly difficult to watch my son or daughter beat the crap out of or get the crap beaten out of them (this also includes UFC fighter, but does not include WWE wrestler because maybe he/she could introduce me to The Rock)

Danny - The Shining
3. A child actor in a scary movie. - I think I would have a hard time looking at my kid the same if they were the REDRUM kid in The Shining or Linda Blair from the Exorcist. An exception to this is Hailey Joel Osmund in The 6th Sense - yes, it was a horror movie but he was cute, not creepy.

4. An Alaskan King Crab Fisherman - With a show titled The Deadliest Catch following those with this profession, I don't think I need to say much more.

5. A clown - See #3. No exceptions.

6. A cast member of a reality TV show with the exception of 1) The Amazing Race (that would actually be my dream), 2) a game show that doesn't involve roommates or "7 strangers", or 3) a home improvement show.

7. A gamer. I have nothing against a video game here and there, but once I see them inside on a beautiful day or speaking in World of Warcraft tongues, changes need to be made ASAP!

8. A pro athlete for a Philadelphia sports team

9. A porn star, stripper, "escort", exotic dancer, or any other euphemism for that line of work.

10. An acoustic guitar player - Now if this hobby keeps your kid off the streets or leads to a multi-platinum record, then its cool with me but if my child is the kid at the party that takes out his/her guitar and struggles through "Freebird" in someone's basement with a bunch of stoner friends, I would rather not hear about it. I think those people are so cheesey and its an awkward buzz kill for everyone who could care less about you and your guitar.

11. An Abercrombie & Fitch Employee (added 5.28.13) - Aside from the flagrant douche baggery associated with the clothing chain, recent comments made by the CEO have turned me off to the store entirely and all associated with it. Not a looker himself, I was disgusted to read  this comment made by Mike Jeffries: "In every school there are cool and popular kids, and then there are the not-so-cool kids...We go after the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of finds. A lot of people don't belong [in our clothes] and they can't belong."

PS. Today I am 18 weeks pregnant.

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