Monday, February 13, 2012

I'll Sleep when I'm Dead

As with anything - cold symptoms, melancholy, cramps - everything is usually worse at night. The same goes for the bloating that comes after a retrieval. I start off sleeping sitting, then like a corpse on my back, then I try my sides but that hurts, and then I have to get up to pee and start all over again.

My ultrasound yesterday indicated that my ovaries were hyperstimulated. This means my ovaries are still larger than normal, tender and fragile. There is also a high level of estrogen (E2) and progesterone in the bloodstream is upsetting my digestive system and fluid balance causing bloating. In a nutshell, I feel like a fat mess. Ironically I haven't eaten very much at all. This morning was the first time since Friday that my stomach growled.
The black spots are the follicles inside the ovaries - this picture appears
to show 13, but that's a guess.


This means my transfer will either be today (Monday) or Wednesday. I am supposed to be on call both days. Now, I am VERY fortunate to work from home as needed but this is getting a little out of control. Its hard for me to make commitments, keep meetings, and not be shady. What if I was a teacher or a nurse and didn't have such flexibility? Its currently 8:54 am and I am still waiting for my instructions for the date.

The old Elizabeth would get off her butt and go to the gym to be proactive about the fat mess, but the new IVF Elizabeth is stuck on the couch (doctor's orders) and is probably suffering the early stages of depression. There was a nervous breakdown in the bathroom yesterday when all my aches and pains came to a head. It was probably a pathetic scene but the frustration of not being able to move comfortably and happily is in describable. The worst is, unlike a flu, my head, chest, sinuses are fine so I don't have the sick lazy feeling. I'm just bored and antsy. And the weird thing is as much as I want to go out and do stuff, I am so gross and lethargic that getting the energy to do it is exhausting. Its gotten to a point that I forget to shower because I can't go anywhere. I know that's gross, but when you wake up every morning with no plan, just a balloon in your guy you lose motivation.

As I said way back in November, I was allowed one day of wallowing which I used already so I decided to get a craft. I started to make a scarf. My first attempts were pretty bad and what I have now isn't awesome, but at least I have a purpose.